While most businesses would love to get a customer in the door, the new Google AdWords Click-To-Teleport creates another problem, getting customers to leave! Their terms of service states that Google is not responsible for return teleportation. This leaves heaps of customers in the store, and adventurous shoppers wondering aimlessly around unfamiliar towns.
CTR is so 2011. The only metric I care about now is Teleport-Through-Rate! ~ Greg A.
Since the April Fools debut of the beta AdWords program, businesses have been teleporting customers from couches, right into the showroom floor. Business owner David Robinson stated, “We absolutely love getting customers into the store, but they often click before grabbing their wallets…or pants. It creates a bit of a problem with our more conservative staff members, and the overall plan to make money as a business.”
While Google failed to teleport to my office for an in-person explanation of the issues business owners are facing, I did receive a response from famed rep, Holly “ice cream sandwich” Breyers. “We as a search company are only responsible for driving (teleporting) more customers to businesses at an affordable Cost Per Teleport. The business is responsible for handling their displaced customers post-click.”
Google Not Responsible For Return
As a search marketer, I really love the idea of sending my companies real breathing customers with the ease of a click on my ad. But I also have to explain to businesses that traditional retargeting should be converted to relocating. Taxi and air travel fees can really add up for a proper relocation campaign.
What about the online-only players in the eCommerce world? I was able to get a hold of Jeff Bees, an employee at Amazon. After a brief rant about NASA, I was able to get Jeff to comment on Google Click-To-Teleport. “Click-To-Teleport…where the f*&$ are we teleporting them to, our robotic warehouse? This is total bull. I’m going to play with my spaceship.”
We’ll see what types of studies come out as this CTT program is more widely adopted. What will be the incremental lift of teleportation? My guess is that the lift is somewhere close to the speed of light, but only Google knows that answer.
Happy April 1st bidding, everyone.
Google's 2012 April Fools Joke